You are more beautiful than you think.

Still on self confidence issues. Got to drop off my schedule to quickly tell you how beautiful you are (If you accept you are beautiful), how ugly you will always feel If you don't accept you are beautiful and the habit of constantly speaking good vibes to yourself.

Aside my personal experience with self esteem, I'm greatly touched each time I see one of Dove's advertising campaign; Dove Real Beauty Sketches. You should check it out on youtube. Astounding ad. Critics of the ad says, it should have been directed to young ladies, or Dove should have used young girls as models in order to help build self confidence of young and growing ladies, however, I am less concerned about all that, the moment I saw the ad, the message stuck. Isn't that the purpose of all ads? 

So, I'm drawn to fact that some of us don't even value anything about us. You don't like your eyes, nose, ears, height etc Or like me, my slightly curved legs use to make me go 'Oh why me?' especially when I see models with lovely straight legs. (Old things are passed away though...lol, now for me, If your legs aren't curved, they are bad! Jokes please)

These three different women were invited into an open space drawing studio where a forensic artist was asked to draw each of them only depending on what they describe to him because he had his back turned to them. The same process was repeated with random strangers who after meeting each woman at the lobby for few minutes were asked to describe the person they just met. 
The two images (as described by self and stranger) of each woman were placed beside each other and they were all asked to come describe what they see. 
The result of the images that were drawn up from other people's description of them were better, livelier and more believable. Some of the women found the process emotional, not believing that they are actually better than they thought. Even the forensic artist felt the enthusiasm in the voice of the strangers. 
That is exactly my point, you are beautiful than you think.

On the second or third thought, I feel they were lucky they met people who appreciates what they saw, or for the purpose of the ad, well mannered and sensitive people. I'm not sure. But in real life, some will never, ever see anything good, no matter how small in you.  It's got to start with you darl!

Remember always, nobody will notice you in this world, unless you feel like you are being noticed first. It's called self confidence, not pride. Your self confidence is critical to your happiness, otherwise, you will always feel something is missing, even when you have all the things money can buy.

Please girls, use your mirror everyday, speak beautiful things to yourself. I use this line: 'I am beautiful inside and outside.' No matter what anyone thinks of me, It's my call and I insist on it.







Each time I am alone with my thoughts, I still remember how everyone I have ever come across, treats or have treated me. Working on trashing the ugly bits. I keep praying, because I don't forget easily how people make me feel, even If I forget their names.

My Pieces turning nifty, I knew it!

Hiya Girls! Excited to write again. Need to let you girls know, that you rock my world. Been particularly privileged to be your friend and confidant on basic matters of life. I look forward to the day, when our Pearls club will give all the help in this world to young aspiring young women.

I haven't written on our blog for sometime but I have been in contact with some of us, we have prayerfully confronted some issues, and results are inevitable girls. I am still happy to pick your calls anytime, If I am not able to, please leave me a voice message. I love you girls and want the best for you all.
I need to commend one of my Pearls, Ewatomi, very astounding with such love for her friends. She made sure we prayed for her friends, always asking me to call on them. I'm happy to do your bid ma'am. God will reward you.

If you haven't heard me said this before, do you know I was once called foolish, stupid, dumb etc, felt inferior, useless, e.t.c. When I talked, some looked at themselves and made weird expressions like "What the hell is she saying?" I went back into my shell, the creativity I thought I had was slipping off me, I cried myself to sleep,while I reminded my God, You promised! Don't leave me now.

They were all in pieces, what I want to do, where I want to be, and my favorite line: 'I want my existence to cause a major break out of joy in people's life', was gradually becoming a pipe dream, like a mirage.

I see many things, what do you see?

Having found a platform to work with young ones and teenagers, I know in my spirit that my well-designed days are here. I can't believe I was inferior to anyone. I can do all things. Oh my God! I am excited. I have learn to hold on to my part of the dream. Even when others are saying; Elephant is huge and there is nothing round about it, what if I was only able to grab and feel its feet which obviously are round, we have our perceptions of the same Elephant, but they are different. So hold on to your slimmest Ideas, they will come handy, trust me.


Sweetheart, you've got to just keep dreaming big. Leave the how, when and where to God, He will fix you. Perhaps you are wondering what I have that makes me think I'm thick, did I guess right? It's an Idea, opportunity, peace, true love, you my Pearls, my first and last, The King of all creations, Yahweh! He, who influences all things.

The Prince you want!

Do you know his name, address, job title and description, his mum, his this and that? Many of us think we know. I remember how I use to say I want my husband, taller, dark with pink lips.../(smiles). When we met, I totally forgot the pink lips part, so on our second anniversary, I asked him "where is the pink on your lips", he said I must have taken it because he had it on when he met me. We laughed it off, but deep within me, I knew pink lips was the least on my mind then.

My Pearls, the same way you have a picture of him, always make an allowance for his mum. Yes! His Mum. She is an important part of his make up that you can't flip over. If he is the Prince you want, then you should know that a queen has been responsible for him from way back. I call our own Queen Mum.

One Sunday afternoon, on our way from church, I felt it would be better to make my hair at once rather than driving Mum home and then drive out again. I didn't know how to tell her or seek her understanding. So I went on talking about it for like five minutes, Mum knew immediately what I wanted and she just offered to go with me. I made a quick U-turn and she started laughing and asked "U mean to tell me you were going to take me home first and come back here? Why? I smiled and was relaxed. We got to this salon where I use to waste my money. I settled Mum in, finished my hair, on our way out, one of my usual stylists asked me if my mum-in law was staying with me, I said "Yes, any problem?" Oh My God! She went on to tell me how dangerous it is, how her sister and friend are suffering for it etc. She ended the conversation praying that her own mother-in law must die before she gets married and at that point, I knew I had overstayed. I had that conversation playing in my head till we got home, but still, I have a choice.

I want to be a mum-in law, so I do not pray for a daughter-in-law who want me dead before meeting my son. That was exactly what encouraged me to pray for a good mother-in law. When I prayed, I was specific, I told God I wanted one with a good heart, who will care for me like I am her daughter, I use to say 'I will be a daughter she never had'. It turned out to be true.

She is the best, I married her only son, confidant and friend. She told me before we had our wedding, "Nike, I am leaving him to you, please care for him in your best ways, and please don't take him away from me"
I was so touched and I broke down in tears, just wondering if this much love could be for real, why didn't God let me have a bit of it.
Having no mum from a tender age made a tough me and I found it really weird when grown ups are all over with 'my mum' syndrome. My mother-in law changed that, I believe God wanted to show me how mother and child love works.

She is like a dear friend. Sometimes, she sits in front of me and we could gist till day break and she'll smile and say "Am I boring you"? Always seeking my consent, praying for me, feeding me in on what she went through with her only child. Now tell me, how can I not look pass her mistakes? She is not an angel after all. She is like a mother for real, and since I never really know how it works, she is always patient to tell me what you do and don't do to mothers.

Be prepared to love your mum-in law, never pray that she dies, that sounds to me like praying the law of karma into effect. The same way you are praying for Prince charming, pray for the Queen that conceived, carried, birthed and took care of him, she deserves it too.

Got this image off a friend's wall, Imagine you are this Mum.

When I got my groove back!

Years back in the University, I kept having this strange twinge on my left breast. I overlooked it for several months but it got to a point my mind kept going back to it, in class, in church, market etc. This fueled my decision to massage my breast everyday, so I laid on my back, one hand up, while the other massages the breast as convenient.
I did this for many months and the painful pang disappeared,  I was so relieved because I have read of breast cancer and I didn't want to take chances. My relief didn't last long though, because shortly after,  I started feeling a lump on that left breast. It was so distinct and it kept moving about.
Was I scared? Oh! My God!, that is an understatement. My many reasons for worrying ranges from financial to many others. I didn't know what to do, so I sought help of a doctor, who tested me severally because I kept going back after I prayed to see if the lump would disappeared.

I believed in God and exercised faith, but in this case, the lump stayed put. I didn't have any means to get through with the finances involved for a surgery plus the thought of having me sliced around that place gave me sleepless nights. However, with faith in God, He made a way. I confided in one of my hall mates in school, who told her mum, she had me booked for check ups immediately.

 I still did not want the lump removed, I wanted such news like; 'OK, the lump is not cancerous and you will be fine'. Through all the test I did, the conclusion was to remove the lump because apparently, it was getting bigger. 

In summary, I had the surgery, in the midst of all the emotional roller coaster, I pulled through. I slept well afterwards. There are people who have it reoccurring, but the basic attention should be given to detecting on time and having it removed immediately to avoid cancerous tendencies.  I am forever grateful to my hall mate whose mum helped me.

I beg you Pearls, do those simple routines on your breast, even if you are not sure, get tested to be sure. God bless and keep you loves, help yourself while you can.
Always having you in mind.

Take note of your cue!

Someday, you will say yes. Be prepared.

I am very sure some of you have heard this line before; "If you really love me, you will let me have you".

And then you will go all emotional and have sleepless nights, working it out in your head, ideas like; 'Oh! how he loves me, he has shown me he does by taking me out, buying me things and to top it all, he cares about my Education! Of all things, my Education! He must be the one, may be I should let him have a glimpse, or a touch, or... Oh! that nice way of doing it, he said he won't force his way in, so on and forth'

In your dreams my dear. If you dare let him near that spot, with a promise that he won't go in, you are being taken for a fool,please don't be one. 
I have heard it called so many names, but I like to call it couple/ baby dance. For your own information, sex is sex.

I got a call from one of my Pearls who is worried about her friend, she called me to talk with her which I did. This beautiful voice brought back a lot of memories, those times of living in constant fear of the unknown. She is in this relationship that seems good enough except for sex issues. In her own case, she is already doing it, but I was encouraged even more to call her up and let her know she can stop right now. Most of our conversation is basically to get her to stop doing couple dance for now.  I asked her one day if she is happy doing this before marriage, she said No! I asked if she is at peace with her conscience, she said No! I went on to ask if she trust God to take care of her, she said Yes but not too sure. I then realized that is where her problem lies.
She was on the verge of giving all her hopes up for a man that will eventually walk out on her,a mere man that will use, disrespect and dump her. I do not know how else to say it or how nicely to tell her but I ended up telling her in my nicest nature and I remember my words exactly "Sweetheart, If you don't leave him now, he will leave you soon. You want to know why? You are big minus for him, a liability. The moment he feels he has done enough for you,he will take his nice gesture to someone else, he will embarrass you by leaving you"

I am sharing this short story with her consent, and it is a cue for us to pray Pearls. For one another so none of you will fall into wrong hands, keeping faith, you will hold on to trust in God and no one else.

I identified with her on this, because I once faced similar situation. Always trying to figure out the 5 W's and H. (In journalism these are the Who? What? Where? When? Why? and How?) I just couldn't comprehend how mighty our God is, tried and proven God, my only way OUT. I trusted in men, expended my precious spiritual abilities on mercy queue, always begging for mercy, which unarguably is God's provision for our fall, but not for our growth. You cannot be on that queue every time and expect to grow spiritually, physically,  intellectually and otherwise. It is the best way to describe moving in circles. However, now I am better...much better, I made it because I had God to hold onto, He alone knows the real woman in me.

So,sweethearts, this is my submission. Whatever relationship you are keeping now with him, If it bothers your conscience and peace so much, can you trust God enough to take a little time off? I know how difficult it is but please try. The truth is, each time you deliberately ignore your conscience, you are hardening your heart. Your capacity to tell right from wrong slowly erodes. But when you stay close to God, He reminds you of what is right. Don't ignore your conscience. It works in all aspects of life.

About trusting God for your needs, it is a topic for another day. I can witness about it so I will share with you on how I am coming out strong. Doesn't it all boil down to God? Of course! He is the one who influences all things.

Action plan: "When you don't know what to do, that's your cue to pray."

Friendly Setbacks, let them go!

It's been a while I left a post. I miss writing for you Pearls. Today is particularly a special day, so I am happy to write.
Let me let you know ahead of time  that I love all my friends and do not take them for granted. Fantastic individuals, without some of them, I just wonder.

On a lighter mood, one of my good funny friends, told us of how her sister and her group of friends were all gisting about  life after school. One after the other, they outlined their plans to be married, become teacher, doctor, etc after school. But a particular friend stood up when it was her turn to talk and said when she finishes from University, she wants to rest and take off all the University pressures. Everyone laughed and they went on with their lives.
Unfortunately for her, the Angel on duty that day agreed with what everyone said, they all left school and like prophecy coming to pass, all they wanted was falling into place as they planned, even the one who wanted to rest, did rest. Her mistake I guess was that she didn't specify how long she wanted to rest that day, so her resting continued for a long time, at least up to the point that my friend told me, she was still resting, I know somehow she'd have moved on now.  Funny! I didn't find it amusing at first because I felt she must have said those things innocently, however, her story regulated my thoughts, setting me permanently at +POSITIVE.

So, when it was my turn to keep friends, I use to think I chose them but I later realized that God brought them my way is a better way to put it. One of my friends called five of us together, she said she had an urge to pray for her future and family and she wanted us to do it together, we called ourselves Covenant friends, met at our different hostels, prayed, prayed, worshiped, worshiped, prophesied and lots more. There were times we couldn't pray much, we just cried on each others shoulders, asking God to take all emotional pains away and help us to please Him.

Courtesy: Precious Family Forever

Shockingly, years after school, I looked back and realized one after the other, four out of five of us were living their dreams, one became bank manager at a very tender age and married. Two started their own businesses and are doing well, both married, another was working with a reputable bank,married too, and the fifth friend was waiting patiently, Me! I refused to be a repeat of bad tales!!! (Laughs)
I can smile about it now, but the waiting period, wasn't such a pretty sight. All my friends were very supportive of me. I was welcomed and treated well at their homes. They were very sure and never seized to tell me that when my time comes,it will be mind blowing and it was.
 I want to say to you Pearls, recognize the good friends God brings your way. There were people I like to be friends with, but when I weigh my motives, I pause. I'd rather be friends with someone whose motivation and mine is not just to parade our goodness in front of others, but rather to please God. I feel safe like that.

It's a long epistle today, but take note Pearls. Beware of friends that might cause major setbacks that one won't be able to recover from. I have seen such happened. Your true friend should understand you, uncover your strength and weakness, make you feel safe, pray with you, trust you, take your side when you are not there, have the same beliefs with you etc.
My husband told me about some not too good places he knows about in Nigeria, he went on and on and in my mind I knew I'd been so some of those places somehow, through some friends of course, as I wanted to be honest with him, I blurted with descriptions; I've been there, that place too, that other one too, I thought I told you. He laughed with his common line; "my wife, you didn't tell me that one o"! He turned towards me looking serious this time, he said, 'You were lucky not to have been raped' Trust me, I was quick to answer, 'I didn't hang out with rapist'.

It is important you have the right people around you. If there are such friends, who make you think less of God, or make you feel in-secured, furnishing you with inferiority complex, I beg, you need them not, thou must let them go!

We are Live, not rehearsing.

Stand by! Roll tape! Action! Cut! These are popular language of a film director, I mean film for real. The ones we watch, yes, that one that feeds your fantasies. (Smiles). 

Reminds me of my favourite show for now "One Born Every Minute", a young lady was about to give birth and she was in so much pain, shouting on top of her voice as the baby was making his way out, unknown to her how far she has gone in labour, she asked the midwife when she will start real labour. The midwife could not help laughing as she explained to her that "you don't get it better than this, it's no rehearsal, you are even at the last lap of your labour, just give me your best push now when you get the urge to push" and surprisingly, that was her last push and the baby came out turning his head. The mother was astonished as she kept screaming "What? Is he out?" Very touching sight.

My point is , we are sometimes so engrossed in our present that we forget that it will eventually pass.
I miss those beautiful moments in school when we worshiped our God like that was the last, when we cared less about status and many things we want to become, when we left school to camp for a whole week just to pray, we walked crazy distance because we had to be in fellowship. So many good experiences as well as the not too good ones, when I had to use my handkerchiefs as sanitary pad, when people were avoiding me because I was always in need of N20, N50, N100 etc., when the future was so vague...

Personally, my life took a new turn when Faith delivered me from unknown fear. I now look back and have so many reasons to praise God and also to keep moving on. You need to understand that you are living and not rehearsing. Stop procrastinating. Start what is being laid on your heart. Life is not a rehearsal, you might never get this chance, time, plan and people altogether again. I wish I was bold enough to step up to my dream when I had the time and people at my beck and call. Now, I am living my dream, it is taking more out of me to reach those goals. I thought I was rehearsing, like all those opportunities will 'repeat play'...

I know people will give you one thousand and more reasons not to, but my dears, a little exposure opened my eyes, you can thrive at any age. I'm placing a bet on you Pearls..don't let me down.

Joy of waiting

                                              
Hello Pearls.                                           
I'm a bit skeptical about this subject, but have to look pass what I feel because I told myself from inception, that this is all about YOU. I will try as much as I can not to hold back subjects that I consider important to you in your young and decision making age.

I was 28, and never had any sort of infection. When I noticed one I knew I needed medical help. Thanks to my sister, my colleague, my friends and cousins. Yes, my 16 year old cousins then. It was like I was the only one that didn't know what to do. I was embarrassed when they were lecturing me. Everyone around me knew something was wrong with me, I asked every lady in the office and church and they all laughed at me. I learn from that experience to always take and keep information so you can find them to use in times of need.

When at the hospital, some test were required. I was particularly shocked when the nurse asked me when last I was with a man and where did I get the infection from etc. I was angry but I kept a straight face and asked her calmly; Does all infection come from sexual intercourse? She said No. I told her that was a relief but out of curiosity, I asked her why she thought I must have gotten it from a man. Her very angry face turned smiley as she explained to me that I was of age and it could have been anything. 

After all the tests done, I was relieved to discover it was a minor issue, like it was nothing, may be just a toilet irritation. But I noticed all the nurses in that department were so nice to me and I in turn enjoyed the relationship because after then, even when I sneezed, I called them. Apparently, I got to know through the head of the department, that they were shocked to discover I was a virgin at 28, with my quite bubbly attitude.I appreciated that fact and I told her it was not by might. 

Where do I want to start from? Was it the constant struggles to remain in one piece before marriage or the pressure to do it from so called relationships I found myself? I went through all that as well my Pearls. All I knew was that I wanted to wait and was tempted several times not to. Salvation played a vital role, accountability helped me too. I remember several time, when I told Mama IJ, one of my destiny helpers, that I was going on dates with someone pressurizing me for sex, she would make me see every reason not to go. Sometimes she invited me over, and gave me better treats. Still, it was my choice. Thank God I listened.

Months after the hospital experience, the chosen one found me and the joy that filled his soul when he found me in a piece? I can't relate that? You've got to wait and experience it. Apart from the spiritual benefits of waiting, it helps to solidify trust in marriage, you can't trade that for few seconds of untimely pleasure.

My friends at the hospital attended my beautiful wedding and they gave me a beautiful gift. I was so elated to find out I was being dotted on just because I was a virgin. You are worth the wait my Pearl. Confess regularly that you will not trade God for emotions untold. Choose to be the last girl standing.

  

You are worth all the Investment!

 Hiya Pearl,

 Want to share this with you. If anyone has ever told you to your face that you are disappointment, please shrug it off. I heard that over and over again and I asked myself how do I manage not to disappoint Aunty this, Uncle that, friend A and B?

That was one of my major struggle growing up. I had many people to look up to. Many whom God has decorated my life with. For the sake of growth, it got to a point I wanted my reality. My own ideas, my style, my voice etc. It was a major challenge to make that transition, but when I did, I fell out with many friends, guardians and even acquaintances.

You don't have to be rebellious, don't get me wrong. I had my share of that too, not too pleasant Pearl. You can start from a standpoint of choosing who you want to serve, God or the pleasures of this world. Don't be caught up with things that do not matter. Don't trade your personality and self esteem for emotions untold.
You can be your voice and make everyone proud of you. Don't be a waste, you are precious. That is why I call you Pearl.

Nike Tito

Now when I look back, I can boldly say, my past is over in Jesus. All things have been made new

Dare to tell me who to date/marry?

My Pearls,

My mum-in law furnished me with this story. Thought I should share. I call her mum. She is different and the best there is.

This is best way I can summarize this.When mum was at a very tender age, she got a scholarship to study abroad. Years down the line, after studying and working for like 3 years, she felt she was ready and ripe for marriage. She was actually, at 23. There were three suitors, so she was confused. As the norm was then, her friends urged her to write their names and send home for consultation which she did. 

As this was going on, she had one in mind that she would readily pick and settle down with but by the time a letter came from home, this her No 1. was number last. She had a very serious thought over it all and with persuasion from her friends, she picked the best according to the letter. They had what I call an elaborate wedding in the UK, I have the pictures. 

Down the line, Daddy Nat, my dad-in law who called himself my boyfriend now resting in peace, got a call from home to attend to something important. He came home and their relationship derailed so much that when mum joined him they could not agree on anything again. It was a fierce battle for like 7 years and then they separated.

After the separation, mum was forced to go back to her dad's place. One night, they were eating when her dad pitifully said, 'You should have followed the instructions on the letter I sent to you, that baba is hot, ribesebe ni (meaning whatever he sees comes to pass). And at that point, mum flared up and said I did exactly what was written in the letter baba mi (my father). Baba left his food, went in and brought the original paper where it was written in black ink that Daddy Nat and Mum will have such a nice beginning, but it won't last and Mum's No 1. was picked as the right person for her, they were meant to be together.

Apparently, in those days, when there is an important message to be sent abroad, the elderly people called on the students on their street, they dictate and the students composed the letter in their own words. On this occasion,I think Baba called an hungry student, who misplaced all  the names and information, he mistakenly put Daddy Nat's name in place of No 1. man. However, his writing was influenced by Mum's aunty, who felt, Daddy Nat is from Ogun State in Nigeria, an Egba man, since they are Egba too, it was the best option all together. That was how her life was used as a case study. 

Daddy Nat and Mum

Mum will be 70 this year, and I tell you she has not recovered from that shock. Now, we laugh about it but I imagined the dreams lost in that process. So, when I was going to marry her son, people approached her to go source from prophets etc. You can imagine her reaction to that. 

If Mum had followed her heart, she would have taken the right path, though she was not born again then, even then, God guided her thoughts but somehow, the system and norm that we are so entangled with, took over, she did what she felt was right. Not funny at all.

We have a better choice now. We know God for ourselves. We can reach out to Him when and how we want. Blessed generation, aren't we? You've got to try to know how and when to make that final decision, when you can say of a truth 'I am influenced by God and none else.'

Pearls asked, How can I help being in Love?

My answer is the same Pearls, do not awaken love until it's time. Love is beautiful and worth preserving or waiting for. I tell you if you open that tap early, you might run out of vessels to hold it in. You might not be able to contain it.

 I got u there...you think I don't understand that feeling, I do Pearl. I am married to the one I love. I am concerned about you, so you won't expend your emotional strength on the wrong ones for the wrong reason and time.

The truth is when you are ready, of age and ripe for emotional kind of love, you will need your strength, both spiritual and physical to make the right choice without struggle.
If you can't help being in love, you can help by choosing the time and the person you are in love with.
A word is enough wise hearts!

I believe in you!

Best Choice..Pearls

Have you ever planted a seed in a clear plastic cup? If the seed was planted close enough to the edge, you would see that the roots would grow downwards first; then a few days later a plant would appear above the dirt. Miraculous!

When you took the first step of Faith to trust Christ with your life, that was the seed being planted. From this point it's up to you and God to nourish the seed and let the roots grow deep. Getting to know Jesus is accomplished by spending time with Him. As in any relationship, time together helps you to appreciate God's character and will lead to a greater love for Him.

As Christians, we never get to a point where we are totally mature. Our love and appreciation for God can always grow deeper as He shows us new ways to trust Him with our life.

Here I've got a mandate. To reach out to you, you and you. I've got a lot to share, about where He brought me from to where I am today. Also to let you know that God places people in our lives for times and seasons.No matter how hard it is to trust God, it's the best choice. Please choose wisely.
For the purpose of this blog, I will call you Pearls, the young, beautiful souls my heart yearns for every seconds.